Love Yourself

World Race 2018:

An open and raw journal entry from my month in India. The Lord was doing and still always doing a deep work in me regarding identity. We must always find our worth and identity in Him, in the cross and what He has so graciously done for us!

I hope this journal entry impacts and encourages someone today!

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How does one love their self?

A loving and dear friend told me a month ago that I need to learn to love myself. 

What does that even mean? 

How can I love myself when all of society and the world says that if I’m not a size two I’m fat. 

How can I love myself when all of society and the world says that having emotions/being sensitive makes you weak. 

How can I love myself when all of society and the world says if you’re not the center of attention then you’re not special. 

How can I love myself when all of society and the world says that if you don’t have clear and perfect skin you’re ugly. 

How can I love myself when all of society and the world continually shows me all the reasons not to love myself. 

Now let me rephrase that last sentence. 

How can I love myself when all of society and the world show me all the “earthly” reasons not to love myself. 

To be honest, I am not writing this out of a position or state of mind where I have conquered the lies of the enemy and world. I know all of those sentences above are lies, but I’m really struggling to combat them every day with the truth. These are all current raw feelings and emotions I’m dealing with. Life on the race is not always butterflies and rainbows. It’s tough. You are living in constant community and sometimes you grow a whole year's worth in just one day. And it can be tiring and hard sometimes. 

They say it’s like drinking out of a fire hose. A lot of things get thrown at you in a day. Sometimes you get some water in your mouth and other times most of the water is on your body. You are drenched. What I’m learning is that you can either be drenched in lies or the truth. 

Some of the lies that try to drown me each day is: 

Unloved 

Worthless 

Ugly 

Stupid 

Not equipped 

Talentless 

Instead of believing those lies I can be drenched in: 

His love 

His forgiveness 

His mercy

His righteousness

His goodness

His awe 

His faithfulness 

And so much more. 

Currently right now I feel drenched in lies and ickiness. Today I found myself feeling overwhelmed, and not in a good way. I found myself hating myself. I keep seeing myself dwelling on these thoughts that are stupid lies from the enemy and I am SO fed up with it! I HAVE to do something about it. 

Right now all that comes to my mind is this: "Good thing we are made in God’s image and that earth is not our forever home."

When I get down or low, I try to remind myself who God is. His character. He is perfect. He is love. He is holy and blameless. 

I remind myself who God is because I am made in His image. He created and breathed life into me, because He knew I was worth it. 

takes a deep breath and says... 

I am worth it. Yup, your right Hannah! You are worth it. So get up out of the hole you are digging for yourself when you start to dwell on the lies of the enemy. Dust yourself and walk away. Walk away hand in hand with the King of Kings who just so happens to be your BFF and Creator all in one. 

As I am writing this I am so tempted to try and tie up this blog post with a pretty red ribbon and say that all is okay now. It’s not. I’m honestly still struggling and there’s always going to be some days in this life that are going to be harder than others. I’m not trying to be pessimistic; I’m just being honest and vulnerable. I want people to know it’s okay to admit that you're not Superman or superwoman and that you may just all together have a crappy day here and there. But it’s what you do with those crappy days that make a difference. 

One thing I want to leave you with, which is something I am learning myself even in Month 7 of the race. When you are feeling low don’t isolate yourself from God, rather isolate yourself WITH God. Don’t give into the lies. Run to God even when you don’t want to in the moment. Trust me, He will turn your gloomy day into a sunny day when you put Him first! 

You are loved, 

Hannah